A student's 16th birthday wish: 'I am taught to always chase my dreams'

Qingyin Guan (Stella), a student at EF Academy New York, writes about how her future can be something her ancestors could never have dreamed of....

My grandma once told me, when she was about my age, her dream of being a doctor was mocked. "How could a female possibly become a doctor, you mean nurse right?" That’s why she gave up on her dream and became a teacher instead.

My aunt once told me, when she was still young, her brothers always received the bigger candies from their neighbors. Her memory of candy was the sweet taste, but the bitterness of a boy emanating with pride because he was rewarded merely for his gender.

When I was ten, my father told me that I can be whoever I wanted to be, as long as I tried my best. Here I am today, sleeplessly awaiting my 16th birthday. Over a hundred years ago, to be 16 years old in China meant that you needed to find yourself a family and have your own business. However, my future is still open. Can I be a psychologist? Or, should I strive for another career that could earn me more money and respect? The feminist in me ponders these questions and simultaneously pushes me to be ambitious.

Feminists typically advocate or support the rights and equality of women. However, nowadays, people sometimes deem it as a derogatory term: she is a man-hating amazon, or is a leader of a female dictatorship. We are not trying to take over the world; simply, we are trying to achieve equality, which is not yet in our grasp. As the famed writer of "The Yellow Wallpaper". Charlotte Perkins Gilman, once said, “There is no female mind. The brain is not an organ of sex, might as well speak of a female liver.” If what we said has to wear a “gender hat,” there is no need for us to talk about equality anymore. Equality means balance, if one side always wears an extra hat that is put by the other side, the balance would always lean to one side becausee of the hat.

I am afraid because I am about to take full responsibility for my life. Also, I am closer to becoming a woman. I am scared of the fact that one day I might not become the woman I’ve aspired to be. I remember people telling me that women just couldn’t become great psychologists because women are always too emotional, but being emotional is necessary for a wife or a mom, so our gender could thrive in these roles. While one can take pride in being a good wife and a careful mom that is absolutely not what, who, I want to be. A Chinese proverb contends that innocence is the virtue of women, not having a lot of knowledge but being a housewife is the right for an ancient chinese woman. However, in today’s China, women have a more challenging role to fill. They are not expected to be smarter than their husband, but they must not be too ignorant, otherwise they will bring shame on their family. Women surely earn more respect now than in ancient China, but it’s also harder for us to achieve equality.

The process of women getting equal rights is a perpetual battle. At the beginning of the 20th century, women in Britain, for the first time put down their pots and pans, went to streets and fought for their right to vote. Men believed that the reason for women doing a such thing was because they were spinsters, this could be the only reason to be a suffragette.

“Nobody loves me – guess I’ll be a suffragette,” the imagined hopeless woman states.

“Suffragettes are those who have never been kissed,” men say to assuage each other.

However, more importantly, men were afraid of being like “women” – to have a right in the democratic process meant that they had a voice, a say in how our society was run. This voice was predominantly male. However, the "domestic" woman, the mother and wife, also joined the cause.

“Everybody works, but Mother, but she’s a suffragette.”

“My wife joined the suffrage movement, I’ve suffered ever since!”

They believed that all women should stay where they “belonged”, "in their place."

“A woman’s place is in her home.”

Perhaps you would say, “Well that was about 100 years ago! Women are treated well today!” Absolutely this is the past, but to say that we have reached an equal status is erroneous. By asserting that women are treated well is to undermine women’s rights because we will not settle for just well.Today, women are facing even harder challenges, for them life now has more opportunities and yet the “social rules” are stricter. We are surrounded by so-called “standards” that we are expected to abide by everywhere we go:

“OH MAN, this one is too HEAVY.”

“Um-em too skinny.”

“Too cute. Her smile looks so fake.”

“Oh, she is too pretty, not really wife-material.”

“Too ugly, not really wife-material.”

“Why would you want to be a star if you are so fat, go back home!”

“Why are you wearing such a skimpy dress? You are too loose.”

These are only words, simple letters put together to form a demeaning message, and for this reason they are more sharp than swords and knives. However, they are only lethal if we allow them to be; like most wounds, the cut they form will eventually heal with medicine and time.

My grandma has become a biology teacher and is married to a doctor; she has three children that will always love and respect her. My aunt never worries about the candies and she knows that no matter what happens, her two brothers will always stand up for her. I never worry about receiving the smaller candy or not being a doctor; instead, I am taught to always chase my dreams. I can, and should, always try to learn more in order to make myself a better.

I still don’t know if “being afraid of becoming just a housewife” is the reason for me to fight for women’s rights. It might be unreasonable, but deep in my heart, I believe that nobody is fighting for only themselves.

The clock is ticking... 12 o’clock, wish me a happy birthday.

Qingyin (Stella) Guan from China is an IB Diploma student at EF Academy New York. This year, she is the Editor-in-Chief of the school’s literary magazine.

For more information about EF Academy New York, see the school's profile on International School Search, the online guide to international schools.